Letters

I have a few things I have to get off of my chest.




Dear __,
First of all, let me say how much you have changed my life. I haven't figured out if it is for the good or the bad yet. Probably the bad. But, thanks for being the first guy to take me on dates, instead of "chilling" or "hanging out." That meant so much to me. You were everything that I was looking for. You were attractive, but that wasn't what I noticed about you first. You had the warmest heart. You were so caring, so kind. You were creative. You were romantic. Thank you for that. I hardly see romance "alive" anymore. You did the cutest things to make me happy. You gave the best hugs. You had the greatest sense of sarcasm, and I loved how we could joke around with each other. We were perfect together. But then things changed. I guess me being there for you when you had cancer wasn't enough. YOU PUT ME THROUGH HELL. I hardly slept thinking about how you were doing all the time. I was worried, constantly. And you barely took two seconds to tell me "hey, I'm busy, call you later." But that shortly stopped. You came back, and you were DIFFERENT. I wanted you to be the same person that I had shared so many great moments with. And not that cheesy junk either. Legitimate. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?! Why did you come back and ignore me, constantly? What kind of boyfriend is that? I didn't do anything wrong to you. YOU MADE ME SO ANGRY. I still have so much anger built up towards you. I forgave you. But I will NEVER forget what you put me through. And yet, I am still trying to start over with you. But you won't give me the time of day. Maybe one day it'll hit you, how good you had it. I don't mean to pat myself on my back, but how many girls would honestly stick with you when you were fighting cancer? Yeah. I'm the only one that I know about, too. I wish things had never happened like this. You ruined my family's trust, and mine. I wish you were the same as before. Why did you have to go and change? And not for the better either. I'm tired of letting you control my feelings, and my life. YOU WILL NOT CONTROL ME ANYMORE. I can't allow it. Maybe, oneday, we can be friends. Yes, I'll miss being your girlfriend. And yes, I'll miss kisses and hugs and holding hands, and being romantic. But I know that I DESERVE BETTER than how you've treated me. I hope and pray that you will realize that.

Dear _________,
You are the strongest person that I have ever met. And I am so glad that we have become the best of friends. I know that you've gone through a lot, and I'm no psychologist, but YOU WILL BE OKAY! I promise. I'm always here. Remember? Your little anchor. And trust me, you'll find someone who you can be yourself around one day. NEVER let anyone make you feel smaller in your skin. You are BEAUTIFUL. And, pretty hilarious if I do say so myself. Be brave. You teach me to be like that everyday.

Dear ____,
I write you letters. Almost on a daily basis. But I never send most of them. Only a few. The rest I rip up and throw away. I miss you. You make me feel so gorgeous. Remember that time that we danced down Main Street? Even though you "don't dance." I loved it. I'm writing you a song. The first line is, "I know I'm not the girl with the last name Moon, but I could still show you the world or two.." You should understand. I feel like I'm constantly chasing after you, and I don't like that. Let's go on our date soon. I hope New York is as beautiful as you make it seem. I'll be visiting soon.

Dear ___,
I'm sorry that I put you in predicaments. I can't help how I feel though. YOU HURT ME so much last Summer. How could I ever allow you to do that again? You can't play with my feelings anymore. I won't be able to handle it. Don't tell me that you "like me" but you just "don't know." That's stupid. I can see where you don't want to be in a relationship. I don't really want to either. BUT DON'T PLAY ME. I'm no idiot. Yeah, maybe one day things will be different. But for now, please don't make this more confusing than it is. It's been wonderful seeing you again.

Dear __,
YOU WILL BE OKAY. Breathe. Your life shouldn't be halfway affected as it has been by the people who are in it. People come, people go. So be it. DO NOT CHASE AFTER ANYONE, EVER. It isn't worth it. One day, you'll find someone who will love you, and chase after YOU, and write you silly notes on sticky notes, and leave flowers on your windowsill. You will be successful. And you will be happy! I'll make sure of it.




Hopelessly,
Stevie.