Begin, Rant.

Where to start.

Today was my 11th day of school. I am ready to graduate. Most of the time I wish that my mom would've allowed me to have graduated last year. She wanted me to have my "perfect senior year," and I appreciate that. I know that she always says that I should take advantage of the moments that I have left as a kid, because I'll be an adult the rest of my life. But, I kindof wanted a headstart. I am not "miserable" at school. I just think a lot of things could be going better. I do not have friends. Matt sits with me everyday at lunch, and most of the time I think it is out of pity. No one from school ever calls me to grab lunch, or to study together, or to even invite me over on a friday night. I am alone over here. Don't get me wrong, I do have best friends, but they don't go to LE. So that's difficult. And it's not like I'm a complete loner. People say hey to me on a daily basis at school. But that's not friendship. They know nothing about me. I wish they did.

PJ. I wrote you a letter in an earlier post. And I meant a lot of it. But, I still have a lot to say to you. I don't have any closure with you/our relationship. I don't think I am over you. I still have feelings for you, well, the person that you used to be. The fun loving/outgoing/romantic PJ. Not the jerk PJ who never called, never calls, never will call. Not the PJ who continues to ignore me. I think about you a lot, PJ. I wish things would just work out. I wish that we were still together. You were/are the most beautiful person to me, inside and out. I still care for you, probably much more than I actually should. I know that you're under a lot of stress right now, with all of your financial/surgery stuff going on. But when was I never there for you, PJ? I was not the girl/still am not the girl that wants to cling onto your leg every second of the day. No. I was caring, and comforting, and kind. I don't know what else to say to you, PJ. I can't make you come back to me, I can't make you want to be my boyfriend again. I can't make you BE a good boyfriend again. I just wish that you could see where I was coming from, and understand me.

Matt. ^As you can see, I am not over PJ. I think we are better off as friends, as we have discussed before. Let's not make this more confusing than it has to be. You mean a lot to me, and know that I am here for you. Always.


I AM STRESSED OUT/OVERWHELMED. Applying to college, taking the ACT, scheduling senior pictures, working (well, hardly working), etc etc ETC.
But, I found a new church that I will become a member of. Northpoint Community Church in Northeast Columbia. I love it.



Rant over.

Hopelessly,
Stevie